The Environmentally Correct Key Card

Extremism in defense of environmentalism is no vice, to cop a line from Barry Goldwater. In fact, it's de rigueur. But Democrats are going to truly bizarre lengths to hold the "greenest" political convention in history, from banning fried foods to having dignitaries chauffeured around in hybrid SUVs. And they pursue environmental correctness with such earnest fervor that they can't step back and see the absurdities.

I shudder to think what this portends for America when they gain complete control.

This story, though, especially cracks me up, because the ironies are so delicious.

One of many companies trying to cash in on the madness is Boulder's Sustainable Cards LLC, which is producing 70,000 biodegradable hotel room key cards for the DNC. "The cards, which will be emblazoned with the Denver 2008 Host Committee logo, will reduce waste, and the company expects the cards to become a souvenir of the 2008 DNC," reports The Boulder County Business Journal. And the company eventually wants to go national with the concept.

"Our mission is to reduce nonbiodegradable card waste to zero during the convention and throughout the year by encouraging the use of our eco-friendly wood cards in every hotel in America," said company president and chief executive Greg Hartmann.

But wait. Did he say "wood"? The kind that comes from trees? Trees that live in pristine forests? Wood degrades faster than plastic, we know. But there's nothing "eco-friendly" about making hotel key cards from wood! How many trees must die, and clear cuts must occur, to satisfy this man's lust for filthy lucre?? The least the company can do is certify, with a sticker on each card, that "No old growth trees were used in the making of this product."

The biggest drawback to the biodegradable key card, however, is the problem it will present to future archaeologists, who, when sifting through the ruins of a society that lost its mind, will be unable to find this critical and telling piece of evidence.

It will be the missing link that helps explain the madness of the age.